


Remember When

by YamiAki96



Series: Cas's First [4]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Human, Castiel POV, M/M, back story
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-29
Updated: 2014-10-29
Packaged: 2018-02-23 03:19:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,909
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2532179
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YamiAki96/pseuds/YamiAki96
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel remembers their lives before Dean burst into his room and kissed him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Remember When

Castiel idly ran his fingers through Dean’s hair, smiling down at his sleeping face. They had been planning this Star Wars marathon for weeks, but Dean had been working all week and dozed off during Episode IV.

 

Castiel was still in awe that Dean wanted to be with him. For so long he’d watched Dean with other people, wishing to be in their place. And now he was, and it was wonderful.

 

He remembered when his family first moved to Lawrence. It was right after his mother left Chuck, the only thing left of her in their old house was divorce papers on the kitchen table. They had moved a few weeks later. Castiel had never heard from his mother again.

 

At eight years old, he knew something was wrong when Chuck fell asleep on the couch, clutching a bottle to his chest and Gabriel, at twelve, was the one taking care of him. The one who yelled back when daddy woke up with red eyes and was sick. Castiel didn’t understand, but he knew it wasn’t normal.

 

The boys next door were a nice escape from that oppression. Dean was nine and Sam was five and they accepted Castiel into their yard like he’d been there all the time. His first memory of Dean was the older boy shoving a fake gun in his hands and commanding that he circle around to the other side of the house. Castiel, confused, had done as he was told. They killed pretend monsters and ate chicken nuggets for lunch and Dean called him Cas. He was Castiel’s first friend ever.

 

When Cas was nine, Chuck went to rehab. He had shoved Gabriel when he was drunk and almost broke his wrist. After an hour of holding his sons and crying, Chuck poured every drop of alcohol down the kitchen sink and sent the boys next door for a few weeks.

 

John and Mary Winchester were warm and welcoming, making sure that both of the boys were well fed and taken care of. Gabriel got his own room and Cas shared a bed with Dean. He had cried the first night and Dean had held him until he fell asleep, promising that everything would be okay and that he knew because his daddy had gone away for a while too and that he was fine now.

 

Dean became Castiel’s guardian that night. When Cas was scared, he would grab Dean’s shirt and tug and Dean would help him. When he was sad, Dean would hug him. Dean made him laugh, Dean made him feel safe. Dean was his everything.

 

Chuck came home looking like Castiel remembered, still looking tired, but smiling again. John and Mary offered to keep the boys for a few more days, but Chuck said that he was alright and  wanted to be with them again. Cas had clung to Dean’s shirt until his father sank down to his level and smiled at him for the first time in a year. He had released Dean immediately and thrown his arms around Chuck’s neck and cried into his shirt. Things were a lot better after that. Except that Gabriel had taken up pranking to make up for the year os childhood that he’d missed and Castiel was his favorite target.

 

When Cas was ten, Chuck brought Becky, a woman that he had met at work, home to meet the boys. She was loud, childish, and couldn’t cook, but Castiel liked her. She made Chuck smile and laugh and that mattered a lot.

 

“Do you love Becky?” Castiel asked one day when he and Chuck were alone.

 

“I don’t know. Maybe.”

 

“What does it feel like to be in love?” Chuck had stopped for a moment, thinking.

 

“It feels like you’re safe and happy and none of the monsters can get you.” Castiel had nodded, then asked to go across the street. Chuck had nodded and out the door he went.

 

Dean answered the door when Cas knock and grinned. He had convinced seven year old Sammy to sit and watch a scary movie and Cas was just in time to join. Half way through, Sam was giggling and Castiel had burrowed into Dean’s arms, afraid to see anymore.

 

“It’s okay, Cas,” Dean had said. “I won’t let the monster get you.”

 

Castiel had looked up in wide eyed shock. Here, with Dean, he felt happy and safe. He always had. Is that what Chuck meant? He hid in Dean’s arms again, this time afraid for a whole other reason.

 

The secret of loving Dean got harder on Castiel as they got older. Dean started looking at girls like he looked at pie and it made Cas squirm. He didn’t think girls were pretty in the same way Dean did and he didn’t know why. He also didn’t know why it hurt so badly when Dean brought Cassie Robinson to Chuck and Becky’s wedding, or when he didn’t talk to Castiel for a whole month while he was dating her.

 

After doing extensive research and talking to Gabe, Castiel realized, at thirteen, that he was gay. Gabe told him that there was nothing wrong with him and that if anyone said otherwise, to point him in their direction. Chuck and Becky had hugged him and told him that they loved him. John and Mary had done the same thing. Sam had wanted to know what ‘gay’ meant, but Castiel disappeared, leaving that to explanation to John.

 

Castiel had been the most afraid to tell Dean. He was worried that he would lose him again. But Dean had shrugged and smiled at him.

 

“That’s awesome, Cas. I’m happy for you. Wanna watch Batman?” Castiel had nodded and they had fallen asleep together before the end credits.

 

That moment had confirmed what Castiel already knew and dredded. He was in love with Dean Winchester. His life was going to be hell.

 

Castiel kept his secret for years, but when Sam found him crying in the tree house they all shared, he had no choice but to tell him.

 

“What’s wrong Cas?” The twelve year old asked.

 

Castiel shook his head and tried to hide what was in his hands, but Sam saw them.

 

“Are those girls underwear? Why do you have those?”

 

“They were here when I got here,” Castiel said, thickly.

 

“Dean,” Sam made a face. “Gross. Why would him and Ronda do it up here?” The question only made Castiel start crying harder.

 

“What is it, Cas?” Sam’s eyes widened. “You don’t.”

 

“I do,” Castiel whispered. “I love him.” He threw the pink, satiny garment away and buried his face in his hands. He felt Sam’s tiny arms wrap around his shoulders.

 

“It’s okay, Cas.” He said.

 

“You can’t tell him,” Castiel said, later, wiping his face with his sleeve. “You can’t Sam. Promise me.”

 

“I won’t. But you should.” Cas shook his head.

 

“I can’t, Sam. You don’t understand.” Castiel remembered what it was like to be without Dean when they were in middle school. The bullies and the loneliness. He couldn’t take that again if his feelings for Dean scared him away. “I’ve kept this to myself for three years, I can manage.”

 

“That’s a long time,” Sam said. “I’ll keep your secret, Cas.”

 

Castiel had seen Dean through almost ten girlfriends, almost ten breakups, numerous drunk one night stands, and one pregnancy scare.

 

Meanwhile, no one had given Castiel the time of day. He never got asked out on a date, at the few parties he went to, no one tried to take him upstairs, he’d never been kissed. He started to feel like there was something wrong with him.

 

Until one day at the park, Dean shoved him into a group of college guys’ football game. And, him being him, got hit in the face. When he came to, there was a handsome blond boy looking down at him. Balthazar, that was his name, insisted on sitting with him for a few minutes and making sure that he didn’t have a concussion.

 

He had giving Cas his number and told him to call him and let him know that he was okay. Castiel had nodded and went back to Dean’s side with the information.

 

“That’s not why he wants you to call him idiot,” Castiel had tilted his head. Why else would Balthazar want him to call? “Come on, I have homework to do. Unless you want to stay and hang out with your new boyfriend.”

 

Boyfriend? Was that what it was like to be hit on? Castiel hadn’t thought that it would be so literal.

 

Gabriel had warned him against calling a stranger, although he knew that Castiel wouldn’t use it for it’s intended purpose. He was in too deep with his feelings for Dean to look at anyone else twice.

 

Castiel had given him the paper with Balthazar’s number on it and went to his room to do his homework for the day, thinking about what had happened.

 

Why shouldn’t he call Balthazar? He had wasted years waiting for something that would never happen, why wasn’t he allowed to find someone who wanted him? He was considering going to get the number back when Dean had barged into his bedroom, startling him so badly that he jumped and his pencil had been thrown across the room.

 

“Dean, you scared the hell out of me!” Cas had said, standing up. “What–”

 

Dean had grabbed his face and kissed him hard on the mouth. Castiel had gasped and melted against him. It had to be a dream, he’d wake up in few minutes with his face stuck to the pages of his history book.

 

Then Dean had pulled back just a little and said, “I love you.”

 

Castiel had made it a habit to never allow his imaginary Dean to say that. It would hurt too much later. This was real. Dean Winchester was in his room, holding him, kissing him, saying that he loved him.

 

“I love you, too.” The weight lifted off of his chest in that moment was more than anything that he had ever felt. If Dean hadn’t been there, holding him, he may have floated away with how light he felt right then.

 

“I know,” He had felt Dean smile against his forehead. “Sam told me.”

 

Castiel jerked away, looking betrayed. Dean had pulled him back in and kissed the look away.

 

“He thought we were secretly dating because I was doing my own homework.” Castiel couldn’t help but laugh. Dean kissed him again, slower this time, deeper.

 

“‘Bout time,” They pulled away from each other when Gabriel spoke up from where he leaning against the doorway.

 

“Shut it,” Dean mumbled, then looked at Cas. “Do you want to go out next Saturday?” Castiel nodded and kissed him again. Dean went home to have dinner with his family.

 

Castiel returned to the present when Dean groaned under his hand. He blinked hard and looked up at Castiel.

 

“Oh, shit. I’m sorry, man.” Castiel brushed his hair back.

 

“It’s alright, Dean. You’ve been working a lot lately. You need your rest.” Dean sat up enough to kiss him.

 

“I love you,” He said, laying back down.

 

“I love you, too. Go back to sleep, Dean. I’ll wake you when dinner is ready.”

 

“You’re the best, baby,” Dean said, closing his eyes and rubbing his cheek against Cas’s thigh for a moment.

 

“I know.”

 


End file.
